To love each other is ..

Writer, psychologist, philosopher, psychotherapist reflect on love in the modern world, about what changes and what is invariably. Ideas for thinking.

Elena Perova, psychotherapist: “Value, but also a costly process”

I remember in my childhood there was a chewing gum “Love IS. »With sentimental liners in the spirit of” Love is to sing and dance together “. Today it would be possible to print new inserts: “Love is to make selfies only together”, “To put the first“ like ”to its posting”, “Love is a secret Instagram (an extremist organization banned in Russia) for two”. Our contemporaries fall in love, experience passion and jealousy, happiness or suffering – these experiences are as sharp as 100 years ago. However, today we are more disconnected and suffer from loneliness more often, among us there are more those who want pleasures and believe that they have the right to them. Therefore, many have a love, and love never begins – for a hedonist it is too energy -intensive, costly project. At

Nous voulons contrôler tout ce que l’harmonie sait et dit aux utilisateurs, a déclaré l’un des ingénieurs. – On dirait écrire un livre sans fin, nous ajoutons un nouveau contenu tous les jours. Elle a accès à des bases de données ouvertes. Notre principale préoccupation est que l’harmonie apprendra de l’utilisateur ou de ce qui est apprendre. Nous medicament pour erection obligé de développer de nombreux filtres et protection afin que l’harmonie ne sort pas de contrôle. “

the same time, love continues to be valuable. Clients often ask: what to do if love has passed? Especially women – for them, the lack of love is more likely to end the marriage, which otherwise it suits them. They refuse a towstone in their hands (arrangement, stability) for the sake of a crane in the sky (a chance to find the one with whom there will be genuine spiritual intimacy). One client told me with surprise how she suffered from love for the one who abandoned her and complained to her friend, and he suddenly said to her: “I envy you – you are so alive”.

Anton Vorobyov, clinical psychologist: “The ability to accept a contradiction”

When we love, we are covered by a strong feeling and at the same time turned to another person, we want to know about his experiences. This is a difficult task, we do not always cope with her. The loving is important the ability to maintain good contact with another, without losing contact with him. The inability to accept this contradiction leads to confusion of concepts, because of which love for oneself is confused with selfishness, and love for another-dependence. Providing freedom of choice and respect the personal space of the other is one of the most important tasks of the loving.

At the workshop master classes, we study the experience of love, and I ask the participants to enter this role, that is, how to become the very love and feel it with the whole body. Usually they begin to smile, feel warm in their stomach, in the chest or throughout the body, their posture is being straightened. Some swaying slowly, make the gesture with their hands and stretch forward, as if they were about to hug. If parents accept and love the child, he grows up, having experience of love. If they devalue, accuse, punish, it is difficult for such children to love themselves then. Unconsciously, they give their beloved a mother or paternal role and expect compensation from them that they have not received in childhood. This is a hunger for love, not love itself “.

Julia Sineokoy, philosopher: “Jealous” yes!”Life”

The question of the magazine “What does it mean today to love each other?”I found me on the way to a lecture at the RSUSU. Having entered the audience, I asked this question to my students. “This is a crack in the shell!”,” These are domestic problems with the arrangement of a common home “,” This is a restriction of his freedom of the freedom of another!”,” This is the inevitability of parting pain!”

Yes, probably, and so … For me, the first association is different: to love is the blinding happiness to be, it is a jubilant “yes!»Life, this is an inspiration that gives strength to creativity, giving taste and color, it is a courage for new ideas and actions, it is the magic of transformation of everyday life. Pain, fear, betrayal, dictatorship, jealousy, loneliness, attitude to another as property or sacrifice up to self -denial – remain on the other side of love, in the sphere of its absence. The goal and meaning of love is the joy of being for another and the work to organize a world for a loved one in such a way that the other is a beloved, could find himself in life, become himself and surpass himself, realizing his meaning. To love is to be near, despite the distances, to empathize without teaching, to give the best and believe in success “despite” and “contrary to everything”, to be sensitive, and not obsessive, to love himself in another, and not himself. To love each other – to keep yourself in the other and the other in yourself, protecting, but not constraining. No matter how the scenery of times changes, the mystery of love remains the main thing in everyone’s life at all times.

Timur Kibirov, writer: “Mutual promises”

Since the end of the XVIII century, a romantic ideal triumph in culture: “Die, but do not give a kiss without love”. It is believed that the relationship between a man and a woman is good if they are consecrated by love. Meanwhile, this very love means bright, absorbing and often unusually beautiful … attraction. The period of falling in love is beautiful, we owe it to the most part of world poetry, but it cannot last forever. But for those who have been driven into the head, that this is the most important thing, without it, life – in any case, life with another – loses its meaning, longing sets in. And therefore, attraction to the next partner not only seems desirable, but also gives a competent exit from a boring situation. Everything looks like a person not just can, but is obliged to break the shameful bonds, spit on everything, succumb to the holy feeling and enter into a new connection. This approach destroys the family and makes people unhappy. Modern culture is focused on adolescents and promotes teenage behavior: curiosity for the new, quick fulfillment of their desires, lack of affection, sexual experiments. Today’s adults are dressed and feel like teenagers up to 30–40 years old. Adolescents of all ages are the best consumers. But they are not able to be responsible, to support each other in difficult times, to take care of children, they are lonely. Another approach is offered by traditional culture. They do not ask for marriage whether you love or not. To love or not, this is your business, but you give oaths, and not only is it very beautiful, it is very correct. Your union is fastened with mutual promises and responsibility taken, it has a basis, self -confidence and each other. But it is possible to create such an alliance, only to confront many temptations of modern culture.

How love changes us?
What is love?

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